Thoughts on a Guy with Flowers

A few days ago, there was a guy at the Ashby BART station holding a bouquet of flowers and nervously/anxiously checking his iPhone. Some people would look at him and think that he had done something wrong and was buying flowers for his sweetheart to make up for it. I may be a soppy romantic at heart, but I like to think that he was simply doing it as a sweet gesture for his beloved.

Either way, I hope she liked the flowers.

If My Age Were a Coin, You Could Play an Arcade Game With Me

Just over a quarter of a century ago, three people were born in Nuremberg, Germany. Well, I'm sure there were more than three people born in Nuremberg on August 23, 1984, but two of those three happened to be my brothers, and the third was yours truly.

I know that I'm 25 because, though I've been talking about "kids these days" for years now, I can no longer tell if I'm being ironic. Last night I got up at 2:40 AM to tell the college kids in the next apartment to keep the noise down. Earlier that day, the cashier at the grocery store had asked me if I was a Cal student. "I'm afraid my college days are behind me," I replied. "I'm an adult now. I don't know how that happened!" I was trying to make a joke, but she must have misunderstood. "Finally, huh?" she asked.

My generation seems to be having trouble adjusting to adulthood. Webcomics and blogs are full of jokes about people who are confused about suddenly being saddled with all this responsibility and wondering why they can't just sit around and play video games or watch cartoons all day.

Though I sometimes feel that way, myself, an even stranger thought has occurred to me: I like being an adult. I like people treating me like I know what I'm doing. I enjoy paying for my own rent and food. I enjoy having a job where I can contribute, as opposed to doodling in my notebook margins while learning what I need to ace my next test.

That's not to say that I don't enjoy video games, or comic books, or cartoons, but I can't spend a Saturday in front of a computer killing goblins and feel like I've accomplished something any more. I enjoy the same things I always did, and maybe I still wish I had a lightsaber, but those are all things that I do for fun, and I have those things firmly compartmentalized in my mind.

I know that I've got a long way to go, and I am not a wise man yet. But perhaps, at 25, I can at least be a man, and no longer a boy.

A Note About Firefox 3.5.2

Sorry for those of you who have been waiting for a new post. You'll be disappointed by this one, I'm sure.

But I thought I would warn you all that I upgraded my Firefox to the latest version, 3.5.2, the other day. It slows to a crawl if I have an email open in GMail in a tab when I'm working in another tab. If I open a Browse menu (meaning when I'm looking for a file on my hard drive so I can upload it), the browser hangs entirely.

That is all. Maybe I'll post for real soon.

Viking vs. Samurai

Most of you have already heard my spiel about Viking vs. Samurai as an alternative to the old Pirate vs. Ninja debate. In my argument, vikings are analogous to pirates and samurai are analogous to ninjas, with the advantage that vikings and samurai were both more likely to engage in straight-up battles, whereas the ninjas and pirates preferred assassination and ship-to-ship combat respectively. I think this makes it more of an even match, so rather than debating whether the ninja would slip poison into the pirate's mead before the pirate ship's cannons destroyed the ninja village, we can debate how two warriors going head-to-head would fare. That way, it's actually a discussion of combat techniques rather than a question of which one is cooler.

Imagine my surprise and delight, then, when I recently learned that not only is there a show on Spike TV called Deadliest Warrior, where they match up two historical warriors in a hypothetical, computer-simulated fight, but that one of the matchups they chose was Viking vs. Samurai.

You can see the whole episode for free on Spike's website.

I won't give away the ending, except to say that it was very close. I'm going to take that as an indication of how good a matchup this is! Unlike every other nerd on the internet, I am not a combat expert, and my knowledge of vikings and samurai comes entirely from video games and movies. That said, there were a couple of things that I found interesting...

• The katana shows why everyone loves it so much. Check out 8:00 in the video to see what it can do. But, that said...


• The katana barely scratched the viking's chain mail. Even with a beefy swordmaster swinging it, the world's favorite sword had no real impact on simple iron chain mail. It's at about 9:20.


• The part with the samurai bow (yumi) is insanely cool. Watch that part if you don't watch anything else. It starts at about 27:00.


• Throughout the video, there were a lot of "bro pats" between the vikings. They really didn't try to fight the stereotype of the Viking as history's frat boy.


• They probably shouldn't have bothered with the kanabo. I highly doubt this weapon was used very often in historical battles.


• For all their talk of viking brawn versus samurai skill, the slow motion seemed to back up that generalization. Watch the slow motion longsword at 22:40 to see how the viking longsword was simultaneously less precise and more effective than the katana. (That said, a lot of the difference in technique was probably due to people they found to demonstrate the weapons.)


• At 24:50 they start throwing viking spears. It's badass. I don't know why they bothered with the two-spears-at-a-time nonsense. One thrown spear was probably much more common and much more effective. Maybe a viking would chuck two spears at a time against a peasant rabble, but if a viking saw a skilled, armored warrior approaching, I'm sure he'd choose to throw one spear at a time.


• That is, if he threw the spear at all. Both vikings and samurai used spears in combat, so why wasn't regular (non-thrown) spear combat considered? I found this to be the main oversight.


• I also suspect that the viking shield (32:00) was entered into the computer simulation as a weapon, not a defense measure. Based on the episode, I don't think the computer simulation software can account for shields properly. (That said, based on some other things I've read about the show, the Spartan vs. Ninja episode apparently showed that the Spartan shield made a very effective weapon.)


• Yes, they pad the show with a lot of talk and they seem to happily embrace every cliche in the way American audience see these two groups. Still, I think they did a fairly good job, and I'm inclined to agree with their results.


• Nobody ever mentions that samurai were warrior elite, while vikings were the rank-and-file. Samurai armies were mostly made up of non-samurai foot soldiers, while viking armies consisted of, well, vikings.

It's a long show, but worth watching if you have some time to spare. Either way, I am curious about what you think: viking or samurai?

On the Joys of Courting an Intelligent Lady

As it is my fortune to be courting an exceptionally intelligent young lady, I would like to take a moment to share my thoughts on the topic. Indeed, as some so-called gentlemen seem to find intelligence to be a marginal, or even undesirable, trait, I must confess that I find such an opinion caddish at best and repulsive at worse. I do not think that I can change anyone's mind, and I well know that the gentlemen (and ladies) who read this blog are of the same opinion as I, but I nevertheless would like to take a moment to expound on the virtues of an intelligent young lady.

First and foremost I would like to mention the joys of conversation. An articulate young lady with a well-modulated voice and a formidable vocabulary is a delightful partner in discussion. I have, on occasion, paused to marvel at my lady's well-spoken phrases, or to enjoy her beautiful voice and charming diction. There is a satisfaction that can only be found in using the exact right word, and that satisfaction can only be found in the company of an intelligent person.

Next I must speak of the sense of humor that intelligent young ladies possess. While any wench can chortle at a bodily noise or guffaw at a pun, it takes a woman with clarity of thought to appreciate worthwhile humor. Far more importantly, a lackwit wench might stumble to remember a basic joke, while a keen-witted lady is a constant source of original delight.

While some gentlemen might balk at the idea of a woman who corrects their mistakes, I cannot condone such cowardice. Indeed, as everyone is prone to mistakes, I have found that it is very useful to have a sharp-eyed young lady who can catch mistakes before they compound themselves. I should add that anyone who thinks that a sharp-eyed lady must also be sharp-tongued is making a dire mistake!

As we discuss these aspects, let us not forget the likelihood of an undead outbreak. I think that you will find that, when the hungry bodies of the recently deceased start to prowl, only an intelligent young lady will prove a useful ally. Though you may believe that a foolish trollop would be unappetizing to the roaming cadavers, you will soon learn that the undead are driven mad with hunger for the flesh of the living, regardless of how clever the living may be.

Insight, wisdom, and creativity accompany a keen mind and curious disposition. Any man who would pass this up for an empty-headed hussy should be pitied.

Perhaps the most egregious belief among some men on the topic of intelligent young ladies is that a woman can be either beautiful or intelligent, but never both. Anyone who would believe such utter nonsense could take the example of my lady as proof that someone can be brilliant as well as beautiful.

Before I open myself up to criticism, I should add that the reason I address gentlemen on the topic of courting ladies is that this is the area that I have experience in. I understand that my audience is diverse, so if you should find your inclinations differ from mine, I pray that you are not offended by this humble treatise.

I do not pretend to be an expert on the topic by any means, though I look forward to the opportunity to learn more about it. May you all find someone clever and charming to share your days with, and may those of you who have already found such a person never forget how fortunate you are!

Zuko Shot First

Ever since the Last Airbender live-action movie was announced, I've been dreading seeing any news about it. To me, the Avatar television show was so well done that I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to make a live-action version. I even feared that, if the movie was truly terrible, the trauma it caused me would somehow bleed over into the series and make me like it less.

Then I realized something: no matter what sorts of special editions, prequels, TV spinoffs, or live-action versions they make out of things we love, they cannot take away our love for the original, or the feeling we got when we first saw it.

Of course, the ultimate example is Star Wars. First it was the Special Editions with the whole "Han Shot First" controversy. Then came the prequels with "Little Annie" and Jar Jar. Now there's Clone Wars, with its obnoxious mediocrity. But regardless of what Lucas does today, there is no way they can ever take away this:


Similarly, M. Night Shyamalan isn't going to break into my apartment, grab my Avatar DVDs, and replace them with the DVD for The Last Airbender. I will always have Avatar to watch and enjoy.

And every time I hear John Williams' famous chord, I will always become a little kid again, wide-eyed with excitement at seeing laser swords, spaceship fights, and a giant, hairy man-dog named Chewy Chewbacca. (I didn't realize that "Chewy" is a nickname for years.)

Basically what I am trying to say is:

Requiem for an iPod

Alternate titles to today's blog post:
The End of an iPod
All Good iPods Must Come to an End

Above: A boy and his iPod

My iPod was a gift from some college friends. One of them had a brother with an iPod that had been dropped and wasn't working. Her brother had another iPod, so he had no use for this one. She asked around to see if anyone else could make use of the discount Apple offers on a new iPod if you exchange a broken one. So I took her up on the offer, and she sent me the iPod.

I took it to an Apple store to get the replacement. They asked how long it had been since I had charged it. "A while,"I stammered, fearing that if they found out about the switcharoo, they'd refuse the discount. They said that sometimes charging it from a computer wasn't enough, and you have to plug the iPod directly into a power socket. They asked if I had a wall charger, and I said no, I didn't even have the charging cord.

Meanwhile, they stuck my iPod into one of the docks where they demonstrate the machines, and this scraped, scuffed, and dented machine looked pretty hilarious surrounded by the pristine show models. I was convinced that nothing would happen, but I went along with it all so that I could get my discount. Then the Apple logo came up. I was sure the device wouldn't actually play music, so I started trying to bring up a song. I must have looked pretty hilarious, trying to use this device that was supposedly mine, when I didn't even realize that you don't have to actually push down on the scroll wheel for it to work.

The Apple employee ignored the fact that I had clearly never used an iPod before in my life and took over, helping me start a song. As she scrolled through the list of artists, I suspected that either my friend had her own music on the iPod or her brother had a rather feminine taste in music¹. She ended up at an Enya song, as I thought to myself, "Yep, I sure do love me some Enya." She started the song and I unplugged some headphones from a display model and plugged them into the machine. Amazingly, music came through. The employee told me to let it charge for a while, then take it home.

I dutifully waited there, listening to my Enya, then when it had charged for a while I bought a wall charger (and a cord that it turned out I didn't need, because the wall charger box contained one). I went home. iPod acquired.

At first, it seemed to work perfectly. But then, starting from the first time I fully charged it from my computer rather than plugging it directly into a power strip, it started to pick up some odd quirks. These included:

• An odd "stutter" that would move randomly through the menus or crank the volume up and down manically, depending on which screen I was on.
• Freezing randomly, including stopping all audio. Sometimes this lasted until the batteries gave out.
• Pretending that it hadn't just been plugged into a computer when clearly it had. It only ever did this with computers other than my own. Maybe it was shy?
• Going silent in the right stereo channel (right ear bud) unless pressure was applied to the headphone jack
• And, just recently, going silent in both stereo channels unless that pressure was applied, and even then sometimes only coming back in one channel.

I plan on continuing to use the iPod until it breaks completely, and then I don't know if I'll be buying another one. Maybe I'll look into less name-brand mp3 players. But this one's certainly on its last legs, and now I have to decide when its psychoses will become too much for me to put up with any longer.

1 Come to think of it, this brother may have been the same one that apparently liked Twilight. Maybe it really was his music!