Putin

I thought I'd post highlights from tonight's MSN conversation with Bluefish. I am Monkey Ninja, while Bluefish is The Artist As A Young Man.

Monkey Ninja says (9:26 PM):
Putin is ready for zombies. While everyone else is looking around, he's keeping his eyes on the casket, just in case Patriarch Alexy returns from the dead:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Dmitry_Medvedev_9_December_2008-1.jpg
The Artist As A Young Man says (9:27 PM):
He's got his candle, ready to breathe fire on the beast if it arises.
Monkey Ninja says (9:28 PM):
He can make a molotov cocktail out of a sock and his own urine.
The Artist As A Young Man says (9:32 PM):
In fact, 90% of the molotovs you find in L4D were left by Vladimir Putin just to help you survive.
Monkey Ninja says (9:32 PM):
And the rest were left by Putin as a personal stash, in case he gets thirsty.
Monkey Ninja says (9:38 PM):
Putin once made a Molotov cocktail out of a juice box.
Monkey Ninja says (9:39 PM):
If you ever need to light a Molotov but you don't have a lighter or matches, just say the word "Putin."
Monkey Ninja says (9:42 PM):
Putin is, himself, a Molotov cocktail. But only he can light the fuse, and when he does, the whole world will burn.
The Artist As A Young Man says (9:43 PM):
Yes. The whole world burns. He doesn't.
Monkey Ninja says (9:46 PM):
Putin was once told to make a Molotov cocktail out of a bowl of borscht, a Russian flag, and a copy of War and Peace. He ate the borscht, including the bowl, read the book in five seconds (causing it to crumble into dust in the process), and wrapped the flag around his manly torso, where it became part of his skin.
He then calmly handed the Molotov to the person who had asked him to make one.
The Artist As A Young Man says (9:47 PM):
Also, War and Peace, having accomplished its purpose in the universe, had every copy in existence disappear.
Monkey Ninja says (9:48 PM):
Well, it's kind of redundant anyway, with Putin around.
Monkey Ninja says (9:48 PM):
What's the point of having a book on War and Peace when you have Putin?
The Artist As A Young Man says (9:48 PM):
Putin is War AND Peace!
Monkey Ninja says (9:49 PM):
He's both the crime....
Monkey Ninja says (9:50 PM):
....and the punishment.
Monkey Ninja says (9:58 PM):
When calling a coin flip, Putin doesn't say "heads" or "tails." He says "Putin." Putin has never lost a coin flip.
The Artist As A Young Man says (9:58 PM):
Putin is the reason Napoleon couldn't invade Russia. The only reason Napoleon got as far as he did was Putin wasn't born yet.
Monkey Ninja says (9:59 PM):
The fillings in Putin's teeth are made of depleted uranium.
The Artist As A Young Man says (10:00 PM):
During the war in South Ossetia, Georgia made the mistake of invading the country while Putin was away at the Olympics. This caused them to be able to get across the border, which only made Putin angry.
Monkey Ninja says (10:02 PM):
Putin brand breakfast cereal doesn't get soggy in milk.
Monkey Ninja says (10:02 PM):
It does, however, make the milk 120 proof.
The Artist As A Young Man says (10:03 PM):
Every other country spends billions on weapons development. Every few years, Putin gives Russia the secret to the next stage in their arms design.
Monkey Ninja says (10:04 PM):
Putin can hug with nuclear arms.
The Artist As A Young Man says (10:05 PM):
Putin once dropkicked a dragon for looking at him funny.
Monkey Ninja says (10:06 PM):
Any lycanthropes in the same room as Putin will instantly shift into their most powerful forms. This is so that the fight will be a little more even before Putin kills them.
The Artist As A Young Man says (10:07 PM):
Putin is the reason vampires can't come out during the day.
Monkey Ninja says (10:08 PM):
Contrary to popular belief, Cthulhu is actually waiting for the stars to be right *and* for Putin's permission.
The Artist As A Young Man says (10:10 PM):
There is an eighth day of the week. Only Putin is allowed to enjoy it.